NEW BLOG

To all of my husbands students.... 

If you REALLY want an update, and I mean like really really really want one? Follow this link. I don't use this blog anymore! haha I don't really blog anymore either. 

ourlanhamhistory.weebly.com 

Crazy Cleaner

I am a bit of a crazy person when it comes to cleaning or organizing. Now that doesn't mean that I am the cleanest person in the world. Heaven knows that isn't true. Let's just say that I cannot wait until I get a dishwasher so I don't have to do nearly as many dishes by hand as I do now. I don't want to slave over the dishes anymore. Just because I am not a clean freak doesn't mean that I don't mean I can't get a bit psycho when I start cleaning. On Saturday I came home to Chad starting to clean out our piano/storage room. I was a bit annoyed at first because I hoped he would clean the living room and kitchen but at the same time, it needed to be done and it had been put off for months. I went in and started to help him out. We put things in trash, broke down boxes for recycling, made a DI trip, went through books and put them on a bookcase that we got about two months ago, and I went a bit crazy organizing some other things that needed to be done.

I went through all of my Christmas decorations and put them in an organized large bin that had held books (we went from two huge bins to one after filling the bookcase). I was able to empty another bin that was pretty regular sized by my standards. Now I was already in cleaning mode that I quickly went into crazy mode! I took all of my gift bags, tissue paper, tags, washi tape, and ribbons and organized every single bit of it. I rolled the ribbons, folded tissue paper, ect. I was in there for quite some time. I must have looked like a crazy woman doing all of this but I was actually having fun! And now, I know where everything is as a plus!

I was talking with my mom about how I get crazy about stuff like that. She laughed at first about this stuff but after a few seconds she realized I was right. All growing up I was a pain in the butt about cleaning. The only exception was the bathroom. For some insane reason I loved cleaning the bathroom. I was nit picky about it and cleaned every little corner of those rooms. I'm weird, I know.

I have used that talent/obsession to my advantage in the past. When cleaning checks came I was crazy and never had to re-clean anything. I was not the cleanest on average but I cleaned the best! I made up for all the messes I made on the average day. :D

Well, this is an odd post. But, now you know just a bit more about me and my crazy ways.

Sickies

We have been a bunch of sickies this week. I have a nasty cold that I am afraid is turning into a sinus infection. Kathrynne has Croup and I think she is getting a top tooth. She won't let us look for sure so I have to take small peeks when she is crying.Last night was the worst night for us. Kathrynne has not been sleeping well and I am waking up feeling like I hit a wall x10.

Despite the sickness around here, we had to drop Kathrynne's crib down. She has decided to figure out how to pull herself up on things. She can still do it in her crib but she can't climb so we are not as worried. She pulls herself up to standing in her crib and along couch. She also can do it on our TV stand and her little dresser. Those scare me a bit more but she has to learn somehow. The best thing I can do is watch her and encourage safety as she develops.

Last night I got to know a girl who is in my ward but I had never really met before. She has a little girl who is only one week older than Kathrynne. We are so the same it's ridiculous. We clicked so quickly and have decided to get together sometime soon during the day. I'm excited. I really like her and I think that we will have fun together.

I have a lot to do today so I am going to say bye for now.

Have a wonderful day!!

Our start into 2015

A lot has happened in the past month and a half since I last wrote. After our car got totaled at the beginning of December we were finally able to get a new one. Same car but a year newer and with about 6,000 more miles. We are happy to have a car again but I often find myself missing our old car. It had been through a lot with us. However, our current car has just as many awesome memories in it to come.

Soon after we got our new car it got backed into. Yeah... We didn't have a car for about 5 days altogether so it could get fixed. It was all cosmetic but it was just annoying. Well, on one of those days I had an incident. I broke my fourth toe on my left foot. Of all the crazy things I have put my feet/toes through I never thought a door would be my toe's demise. Yes, I our bathroom door trying to grab something on the vanity counter. I just swung my left foot out too wide while going in I guess.

I have two more weeks exactly until my walking shoe comes off. I will have it on for a total of 6 weeks. Unfortunately it cannot come off before then because it was an actual break, not just a stress fracture. I keep feeling like it is supposed to come off today because I am just used to a month with the past stress fractures I have had but oh well. At least it is healing well and is straight (getting it set was the worst part all because of the shot in my toe... it was not pretty).

Kathrynne is now 7 1/2 months old. She is growing so fast! She likes to feed herself in forms of finger food as well as trying to steal the spoon away from me while feeding her baby food, yogurt, etc. She rolls over all over the house but prefers to do her version of crawling more. She does a mixture between a real crawl on her hands and knees and army crawling. It is quite fun to watch her zoom across the floor.

When Chad and I were first married we received a love seat from my brother and sister in-law. They were moving and generously gave it to us. It was our first piece of furniture. We used it for a year and put it in Kathrynne's room right before she was born. We got a full couch and matching love seat that now resides in our living room.

Back in December we were talking with a friend of Chad's that is getting married at the beginning of March. He and I had talked of what to do with the love seat from my brother because it was not being used as it should and was taking up too much space in Kathrynne's room. We decided to gift it to Chad's friend and her fiancé. We felt really good about doing so because we had been in the same spot before and it was still in amazing condition. They came and got it last weekend and we were able to put up a small shelving unit from Ikea (one of those that has the squares and you can put totes in them). We put her toys in it and she loves being able to play in her room. I feel a lot better with her playing in her room as well.

Besides the shelving unit we got some other things that have made life so much easier. We got a bookcase and standing lamp from Ikea and a high chair for Kathrynne off of Amazon. We now have more light, more space to put books, and feeding Kathrynne is leaps and bounds easier. I am not worried that she will pop herself out of the bumbo anymore. :)

The weather has been so amazing!! I thought we were going to have a long, cold, and wet winter but to my surprise it has been so different. There has not been another good snow fall since Christmas and quite frankly that has been the only real snow we have had. It was a lot all at once but it is all gone now. The tulips have popped out of the ground and you can see them rapidly growing . It makes me really happy. It is weird though. I am not used to this. I am used to a lot of cold and a lot snow. Kathrynne and I went on a walks three times this week and each time I was sweating. (Of course that is a mixture of the weather and my body still trying to get back in shape.) It feels like it is May when it is 64 degrees outside on February 6th! I love Spring, so I am not really complaining.

"What is this that I feel? Grass? Hmmmmm. I'm curious."

In other news, we are going swimming tonight. We have not been in a pool since last February for my nieces birthday party. This will be Kathrynne's first time and we are SO excited! I will take videos and pictures to share.

To leave you with a quote, I would like to share one that my oldest sister Chelsey posted on her Instagram that I loved! It is about mother and captures my feelings exactly. I am not sure who it is from but it is great nonetheless. Have a great day and thanks for reading this scattered post!


"There is no perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. What matters is that a mother loves her children."

2014

There were some amazing things that happened this year. Some months were much more eventful than others (aka... March was pretty darn boring while June through August were more packed with a lot of fun). I picked one thing from each month. They don't necessarily adequately represent each month but they were things that stuck out in my mind. 

January: Found out we were having a girl!

February: Saw Swan Lake performed by BYU Theater Ballet

March: Put Kathrynne's crib up in her room

April: Celebrated Chad's 22nd birthday

May: Celebrated our one year anniversary

June: Welcomed Kathrynne Anne into our lives

July: Said goodbye to our friends Kayla and Evan as they left Utah

August: Blessed our daughter

September: Went to Chalk the Block at the Riverwoods

October: Welcomed in Theodore Gregory Killen (Chad's cousin Sarah's baby boy) into the world

November: Celebrated my 23rd birthday

December: Had Kathrynne's first Christmas

Our year was full of fun times with Kathrynne. Our lives have almost completely revolved around her and to tell you the truth I am happy that it has. I cannot wait for the year 2015. We are getting so close to the end of schooling and renting this apartment! One more year (maybe... most likely) and we will be full fledged adults! haha :) 

From our family to yours, we hope you have had a wonderful year and hope all the best for the coming one.

Love,

The Lanham Family

Late Night Postings

I always find myself blogging late at night. I don't know what it is but I have an affinity for writing at night. I don't really have much to say though. I just feel like I needed to write. So I guess I will post a few pictures with an update. I haven't posted pictures in quite sometime so this will be a nice break from the constant text. :)

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of going to lunch with some friends. The girls were all friends from my home ward that I was super close to. It has been four years since we were all in the same area so I jumped on the chance to see them all again.

Katie, Myself with Kathrynne, Alison, Kari, and Melissa who is expecting in December!

Going in order with the picture let me explain why we hadn't been close by... Back in 2010 Kari, Melissa, and myself all graduated. Katie and Alison graduated the year after. Kari went down to Cedar City to attend SUU, Melissa went to Ephraim and attended Snow College, I stayed in Utah County and attended BYU. After Katie and Ali graduated things just got worse. Katie got married and Ali went to BYU-Hawaii.

We all went somewhere different for school and then Ali and Kari went on missions. Melissa and I got married (Melissa found her man at BYU-H after she finished at Snow) and now the two of us will have kids come December.

It was nice to get together with these girls. We were really close and had a lot of fun catching up. We had lunch at Cafe Rio and of course, it was delicious as always.

This picture was taken just after we came out of a baptism for a man in our ward. His name is Kevin P... I don't remember how to spell it but it is said like meow but with a p. He is a super great guy and his wife has been a member for sometime now. Their son is 5 or 6 I believe. I can't remember for sure.

In any case I had to document this because it was the first time I had been to a baptism that was NOT for a child that just turned 8. I didn't really know many non-members growing up and didn't have the chance to serve a mission before getting married so this was an experience I knew I didn't want to forget. It was so amazing to see Kevin's wife so happy. They are from Shanghai, China and came out to Provo so she could go to school. They are a wonderful couple and I feel privileged  to have the chance to get to know them better.

Isn't this sooo cute?! It is a wooden glove that has slots for a bat, ball, and a glove. We got some bins from Chad's parents that are filled with his stuff and this just happened to be in it. Chad has a ton of baseball stuff... unfortunately it is all Padres stuff. I decided that we will need to get some SF Giants paraphernalia so we can do our future son's room baseball (Padre's and Giants specifically) themed. 

This just speaks cuteness does it not? Kathrynne has had a few great things happen this past month or so. She just rolled over the other day from her back to belly. She laughs and talks all of the time. There are also some days that Kathrynne doesn't mind sitting in her Bumbo, like in this picture. She sat in it for quite some time this day. I was a super proud momma. 

But come on... don't I just have an adorable daughter? I can't believe that she is mine and I am so thankful for her and the chance I have to be her mom. 

The following pictures are just cute ones of Kathrynne lately.

Okay... I think I sent this picture to Kayla but just incase I somehow forgot to send it to her...

Kayla gave us these cute socks and the diaper cover. I had to put them on Kathrynne. I love them on her. 

Her first pair of tights!

The cutie sleeping in my arms. She likes to cuddle a lot more lately. 

I have always loved the sunsets in Utah. Unfortunately this picture doesn't give it nearly enough justice. It came from my phone so I guess it will have to do. 

There was one day two weeks ago where Kathrynne woke up at 3 am and would NOT go back to sleep. I had only had around 3 hours of sleep at that point and I was so frustrated. I had to be up by 7 to get ready for a WIC appointment at 8am. On the drive over to the office Kathrynne finally fell asleep, although it didn't last long. I got there early so I sat in my car and just happened to look out the window. This next picture is what I saw. It was my saving grace that day. It helped me get through a very hard day. You have to love the temple. This is of the Provo City Center Temple by the way.

We went to dinner in SLC last week at Benihana's. I had never been there and loved it! We went with Sarah, Michael, and baby Theo as well as Rachel and Auntie J. It was nice to spend time with them.

She is just getting so big! She is already sleeping in a big girls bed!! JK!! I stole her away and put her in my bed for a bit while I changed clothes. She just looked so cute I had to take a picture.

Anyways, that is a bit of an update for the Lanham family. We head out of town tomorrow night to go to Grand Junction. Chad and I need a weekend away from the usual so this will be a nice break from the normal day to day.

Hope this finds you all well! This definitely has helped clear my mind and I think I can finally fall asleep now. Gotta love doing some late night posting. :)

4 Months

Kathrynne is now 4 months. I cannot believe it. I love that she was born on the 24th of the month because we share a special day of the month. She was 1 month old on Pioneer Day (July 24th), will be 5 months on my birthday, and exactly 6 months on Christmas Eve. That is pretty great. 

Now on to the update of the cute babe.

At four moths she is wearing size 2 diapers. Even though she could technically be wearing size 1 still we haven't had as many issues with leaking poop. We ran out of size 1 and had size 2 on hand. We decided to use them until we could get some size 1 diapers but we liked the fit of the size 2 and she didn't mind them. So we just went with it. 

At her wellness check she was 13 lbs 3oz (13.2 lbs) and 23 1/2 inches long. That was on the 17th. Both her and I became sick with in a few days of that appointment so we went in on the 23rd. She had lost those 3 ounces and was a flat 13 lbs. She had a horrible week because she was not eating or sleeping. I thought she was possibly teething but she definitely was not. 

We got her on some medicine for acid reflux and it is like night and day for her. She seems like she is doing much better. She is still spitting up and throwing up as much but she doesn't seem in as much pain.

Kathrynne is a strong bugger. With a bit of help she can go from sitting to standing all on her own. She pushes herself up to a standing position. She is currently kicking her little kick n' play toy. She will stop and try to roll over from her back to her stomach. She has been trying so hard lately. There was one morning last week where she rolled over from her belly to her back! I was soooo excited! She hasn't done it since. She is getting closer to going from back to belly than she is the other way around. I think that one roll was a fluke. However, I have a feeling that when she does roll over she will be crawling in no time. 

Kathrynne has been starting to sleep without being swaddled. This is huge for us. We just have to help her fall asleep by doing cuddle time with her. I am more than okay with that. 

She is an absolute doll. We went to Grand Junction on Saturday. It was a good thing we did. It gave us an opportunity to see what Kathrynne would be like during that long drive. We will be making it for Thanksgiving and we both feel so comfortable doing it. I will be sitting in the back with her to give her company and play with her when she is awake. From what we saw though, she will be sleeping through most of the drive though. She was a peach during the trip. She only had a few hard moments. It was good for us to all get away and you can tell that she is happier after seeing Evie... Oh that dog. We sure do love that dog. Evie and Kathrynne love each other. It is absolutely adorable.

Despite the moments when it is hard, Kathrynne is a happy, smily, calm baby. We love having her around and would never think about not having her in our lives. 

23

As my birthday is coming upon me soon, I have been thinking a lot about the things that I have done in my (soon to be) 23 years of life. It actually is keeping me up at the moment. (Sometimes I hate being a night owl) I have made up three lists to put things under; Gospel, Education, and Life Experience. Pretty much anything that doesn't go under the Gospel or Education lists will end up on Life Experience. Humor me as I go through my life and try to put all of my memories and experiences that have made a great impact on me these past 23 years into those three lists.

*All of these are things I have learned and taken away from certain experiences, so the education one is strictly all about school, not just learning. If it was all about learning then I wouldn't have any other lists.*

Gospel:

• Gained a testimony of:
• My Savior Jesus Christ
• My relationship with my Heavenly Father
• The Book of Mormon
• The true gospel
• The leaders of the church and how they are truly called of God
• Have had some great callings
• Relief Society instructor
• Dating class instructor
• Church History instructor
• FHE Ma
• FHE Co-Chair
• Served with my husband in a YSA ward
• and now Activity Days
• Have been through the temple to receive my own Priesthood Ordinances
• Have performed temple work for the dead
• Got sealed to the love of my life (part of those ordinances but I figured I should add that as a special one since that was a completely different experience on how I got there...)

Education:

• Went through all of my elementary and secondary schooling with good grades (Don't know how now that I think of it)
• Graduated from a wonderful high school
• Was the second graduating class from that high school (GO SKYHAWKS!)
• (Even though I won't finish...) I went to college at BYU
• Figured out how I actually learn a little too late
• Came to know that I have the passion to be a doctor after all
• Too bad it isn't what I really want from life though
• Learned all about the human body (which is something I will always remember and always brush up on. My most memorable thing about college has to do with those classes where I learned about the body I have been given.)

Life Experiences (Here is a doozy of a list... hang on people!):

• Learned that not every boy is nice (as kindergartner)
• Learned that not all teachers are like my kindergarten teacher, aka nice and compassionate (as a 1st grader)
• Learned that being the new kid in school where everyone else knows each other is hard
• Learned that horses are my soul animal 
• and that they are super hard to build out of snow; possible but hard
• Learned that life throws you curve balls and sometimes they land you in the hospital
• not a literal curve ball... although I love baseball/softball and played it around the time this lesson comes from
• Learned that I was more like my brother Ammon than I originally thought
• Thank you Spina Bifida
• Learned that even the most strict teacher wants you to do well 
• Learned that teachers that look like scary women can become a woman that you want to emulate because of how loving and understanding they are, especially when you are embarrassed
• Learned that reading is a wonderful escape 
• Thank you Mr Dhal (Witches) and Ms. Rowling (HP series) for helping me see that
• Learned that some teachers really can be just plain rude and hold up to their reputation
• But you go with it anyways because of the other kids in the class
• Learned that some boys will never stop crushing on you, all through elementary, middle school, jr high and high school, especially when you don't want them to... making it super awkward
• Learned that I was good at history and math and didn't mind doing that homework
• Learned that I LOVED the trumpet and was DANG good at it
• Went from 9th chair (I came into the class later in the term) to battle it out for 1st chair with two other boys for the rest of the year.
• Learned that I was a good singer, like my other siblings
• Learned that I valued dance over doing a play
• Learned that I had seasonal asthma, which changed my voice from a 1st Soprano to a 2nd Soprano 
• I ended up loving that change
• Learned what it meant to be a "real woman" on what should have been the best day of my life (thank you 14th birthday... on thanksgiving..... NOT!)
• Learned that I valued dance over show choir, unlike my sister
• Learned that I valued classical training for my voice MUCH better than what I had been doing prior
• Thanks goes to Mr. Bills for that one! I can never repay you for what I learned from you, not just for my singing too.
• Learned that I valued dance over a play.... again 
• Loved Little Women, but I missed dance a lot.
• Learned that I was extremely prone to getting injured around the same time of the year
• Learned that dance meant EVERYTHING to me and I would not be anywhere if it were not for the love I got from my fellow students during an extremely hard time
• Learned that I deserved better from a boy and should come before himself
• Learned that I wanted more from a relationship than just a good kisser
• I dated too many guys that didn't want to really have good conversations
• Learned that I was great with computers when given the right training
• Learned that science was my thing, not history
• I could apply it, not just analyze it
• Learned that I must have some good dance skills, better than I thought
• I got in as a Dance Ed major after all
• Learned that Folk Dance was my calling
• Learned that high school isn't life and those friendships never really last
• Learned, even after not believing it, that the friends you make in college will be forever friends
• Thanks Kayla.
• Learned that I had a lot to learn about myself 
• Learned that my desires started to change, slowly but significantly, from what I wanted my senior year of high school/freshman year of college
• Learned that there was more to life than what I thought 
• Learned that it doesn't matter what you think you want, it matters what the Lord really wants for you
• Learned that although my desire to go on a mission was good, it was not what I needed at the time
• and should NOT feel put down by what other sister missionaries were saying at the time (this was right when the age got dropped... I could have been gone a month later because I would have turned papers in the July prior to that announcement)
• Learned that there was a man that loved me and I loved him
• Learned how special the temple was
• Learned how amazing being a mother is
• and to a daughter especially

I have so much more to learn and to experience, but I would never trade my 23 years of life (more like soon to be 23) learned lessons and gains for anything. 

Here is to another 23 years PLUS! 

Sometimes...

Sometimes, I don't want to be a mom.

I love you more than life itself, but there are some days and some times that being a mom doesn't seem worth all of the frustration, anxiety, tears, irritation, ect. 

You have been trying to roll over for the past few days. My question to you is why can't you try rolling over from your back to your stomach when you are on the ground? I wouldn't even care if it was while I was changing your diaper. But when you only try and do it when I am putting your diaper on, while on the changing table, it makes me so nervous. 

Kathrynne, I know you are hungry. That is why I have a bottle ready, in my hand trying to have you see that there is food just for you. The same kind of thing happens when I know you are tired. What is so hard about just giving into the exhaustion? You know you are happier when you do so. But. You spit out your paci, won't stop wiggling your legs, and won't close your eyes. I'm trying to help you, but you must not see it so you continue to wail for quite some time.

There are those days when you just want to be held. Some days I will give in and hold you pretty much all day. However, most days I can't. I can't because I lose the feeling in my arm, hand, and fingers. On these days, you don't like being held unless you are facing out and can see everything in front of you and I. That makes mommy's back, shoulders, and arm (particularly the right, since you tend to prefer that side) ache and need serious TLC. I can't always hold you all day so I have to let you cry so I can get some relief too.

You normally are the sweetest child and love to kick around and sit in your swing while mommy folds clothes, does a bit of cleaning, and attempts (and pretty much always fails) to makes you laugh. Those small giggles. The way you put your head to the right shoulder when you smile at me. The endless kisses I get to give you. Those rare cuddles I get from you right before you fall asleep. The moment when I know you have finally fallen asleep in my arms. When you look deeply in my eyes and say thank you, when you have realized there is food in your mouth. When you rock tummy time with a smile. When you kick and kick with all your might and turn yourself around with your legs so I have to constantly readjust your position on your little kick n' play. They way you suck on your hands and fingers and drool all over yourself because of the spit bubbles you have learned to make.

Those are the moments of every day, no matter how hard, exhausting, emotional, frustrating, irritating, and so on, that make me glad I am your mom. Yes, sometimes I don't want to be a mom, but that doesn't make me ever regret being your mom. 

Sometimes, I just need to take a step back and get some time to myself to remember those precious moments I uniquely share with you every day. Those moments remind me of how much I love you and how happy I truly am. Those moments help me know that I have made the best choices for me and our family.

Sometimes: I don't want to be a mom. Most times:  I love being a mom. All the time: I love being your mom. 

Grateful for Folic Acid

I sit here on the floor watching Kathrynne kick and play. For the past few weeks one thing has been steadily on my mind. In a way it has been on my mind since Chad and I got engaged, maybe even before that. With my Spina Bifida Oculta, what is the chance that my children will have some degree of Spina Bifida?

I have been cautious. I taught myself to light many different types of greens. I have learned to really like asparagus. I eat a lot more beans. I still have more citrus (which isn't a huge problem because I love citrus... especially grapefruit). I have always liked broccoli, cereals and breads, avocados. And I have learned to have V8 juice, mostly the blended fruit ones though. I have done all of that and tried to eat a well rounded diet in the hopes to keep my folic acid levels high.

When Chad and I got engaged, I did everything I could to take prenatals as well as getting a birth control that was fortified with folic acid. I didn't want, by the stroke of luck, to find out that we got pregnant on our honeymoon just to realize that I had not been taking anything with folic acid.

I did all of that. I did all I could. When I actually found out that I was pregnant, I talked to my doctor about it. We were careful and I kept it up, until about the third trimester. The longer I was pregnant, the worse my memory got. I kept forgetting to take my prenatals. So at Kathrynne's 2 month check up and the doctor was concerned about her, in his words, asymmetrical gluteal cleft, I got worried. Dr. Pace wanted to just double check things out, given my history with my Spina Bifida as well as Chad's bad back history.

An ultrasound was going to tell us what we needed to know, did she have any signs of Spina Bifida? Had I not done enough to keep her from that? All of those feelings of inadequacy came rushing off and on until the appointment was made and over with. I hadn't seen anything personally on the monitor. I had convinced myself that everything was going to be fine. I had to believe that, because I had done all that I could. Right?

Well, a special envelope came in the mail today, and as I sit here on the floor watching my daughter play, smile, and (almost) giggle I can rest easy. My efforts were not in vain. All things were clear with her ultrasound. Kathrynne does not have Spina Bifida! Thank heavens!

I am so thankful. I could not be happier about this. I can let her grow up knowing that she won't have the same problems I did. I keep her as the bubble blowing, smile giving, active kicking, little girl for as long as I can.

Photos curtesy of my mom.

Remembering our Resilience

A lot of people will be remembering where they were 13 years ago, today. Do I remember where I was when those planes were hijacked and hit the twin towers and the pentagon? Yes, I do. Do I remember the heart ache I felt, even as a 4th grader? Yes, I do. I was old enough to remember and to comprehend what was going on. I knew my country was going to be heading for war. I knew many more lives would be taken because of the negative choices by a select few. Many Americans knew what I did. However, did we know how we would fight? Did we know how we would feel more patriotism and pull together as citizens?

I am not a fan of President Obama and his administration. I never was. I have yet to understand many of the choices and bills that they have done. A lot of those decisions have really hurt us as a nation. Those have made us less of a nation. I have actually been one to say that we are not the greatest country in the world anymore, as of late.

Excuse some of the language, but this is the best thing to let you see it. America has really fallen down, however there is something about America that inspires us. 

On that tragic morning, September 11, 2001, I bet there were many Americans that stood still, not sure where to go. But we woke up the next day and begun again. We pulled together. We were fighting for something real. That attack on our home gave us something we had lost. Hope in our country. I fear that we, as American citizens, have lost that again. Where is our morality? Where do we draw the line? What are we fighting for? Who are we fighting for? Fight for the future. We need to begin again. 

There is a piece of art that I feel can really inspire us to do so. Quoting from the videos description:

"New York City Ballet presents NEW BEGINNINGS on September 12, 2013. Filmed at sunrise on the 57th floor of 4WTC in lower Manhattan, this short film captures an extraordinary and moving performance of Christopher Wheeldon's After the Rain. It is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, and a tribute to the future of the city that New York City Ballet calls home."

This piece was inspired by the events of 9/11. NYC Ballet was in Europe at the time and had a performance scheduled for that night. The audience showed up, even after the director had cancelled the show, and mourned with the performers. The director announced to the audience, "We came here to dance, it is what we do, but our hearts are breaking and it is simply not possible for us to perform this evening. But we will be back tomorrow, and we will be honored to perform for all of you then." (Taken from the video's description as well) They got up the next day and did their performance.

We are a resilient group of people. America is home to some of the most amazing people that dream, and help, and fight. We need to begin again, and find that resilience that the human spirit has and continue to fight for what we know to be right. Not just in politics, but in anything; art, culture, family, ect. 

I will fight. I will be resilient. I will make a better future for my children and continuing posterity.

Will you?

2 Wonderful Months

Happy 2 months to my little darling Kathrynne! I can't believe she entered this world eight weeks ago. She is growing and changing so much. When you look at the pictures from when she was born and compare them to now, it almost seems like it is two different people. I guess in a way she is. She is so different than when she was born, that it really is like she has evolved into this completely different person.

Here are a few thing that Kathrynne likes along with her statistics.

-Sleeping in her crib more than her swing. Hurray! I think this is because we put books under the legs of one side to lift it up slightly. As soon as we did this she started to sleep much better during nap times taken in the crib as well as sleeping for extended periods of time at night.

-Smiling at momma during diaper changes. It's the absolute cutest thing. She smiles the most when I change her first thing in the morning. She is smiling more everyday, but this is the time she consistently smiles at me.

-The monkey ears that are on the strap covers for her car seat. She will often take the ears over a pacifier. Adorable.

-Her animal mobile. She has been able to really follow the animals around the past few days as she is going through some brain development. She also can follow you as you walk around.

-Tummy time... Okay, she doesn't like it much at all, but she is getting so much better at it and can hold her head up much better.

-Eats 4-5oz every three to four hours on average. We have to supplement her with formula because I am not producing enough milk to exclusively breastfeed. We recently made the switch from Emfimil to Similac Sensitive (which smells horrid!!). She gets bubbles and gas and cannot get them out and this seems to help, for some reason, more than the gas relief medicine we have.

-Wears size 1 diapers (as of today). We don't mind the target brand (Up and Up) but I think we will stick with Huggies, regardless the cost. Kathrynne's bum doesn't get as red with Huggies brand and that is what matters.
 
-Weighs 10lb 3oz (in the 46%)

-Stands at 22 1/4in (in the 26%)

We love Kathrynne so much and are so proud of the growth she has been making, both in size and in brain development. I love that you can't spoil babies until they are about a year because I love cuddling with my little K bug.

First selfie!! haha How sad is that? The upcoming generation and their selfies.... She will not be one of them. However, isn't she just adorable? This was on Saturday, August 16th. 

This is her today, August 21st! What a doll huh? I am not a fan of the bow, but I wanted to see how big it was on her head right now and I had to take a picture of how huge it was. 

Church Callings

Chad and I are in the family ward finally. We got released from serving in the Provo YSA 200th ward two days before Kathrynne came. We both knew that we would want to serve in callings as soon as possible.

Well that came true. Chad was sustained as the Elder's Quorum secretary last week and I was sustained as an Activity Days leader today. Chad's calling in the bishopric is a huge asset to this calling because he knows the systems that the church uses and knows what kind of things can be obtained (like class rolls for example). My calling will be awesome for me. It will be nice to get to know the young girls of the ward. This will be a great calling for me to learn. It will be a good gateway to helping out in Young Women's if I ever get called to serve.

We are both excited for this opportunity to serve.

One Month

Oh man how time flies! I can't believe that this little one is 5 weeks tomorrow. This whole thing still amazes me. I love being a mom. As hard as it can get, especially when you are fighting a fever and stuffy nose along with your baby having a cold. I feel bad that she is sick. She has been sick for about two weeks now and it kills me that I can't just make her all better at the snap of my fingers or with a kiss on her cheek.

Look at this cutie! She is the best and likes that giraffe her Aunt Lindsey gave her.

She is starting to get better though, which is a major plus.

There are not a lot of milestones yet for Kathrynne, but she has changed so much already.
Kate is about 20 in and weighs 8lbs 13oz (we know that because she had to get weighed at the ER... No worries, she is fantastic other than her cold. We went in for preventative measures.)
She eats about 3oz (formula)... I don't have a pump and sometimes she won't nurse well so we are glad that we have a back-up.
She is starting to be a bit more social with us. Her first social smile should be happening sometime very soon, and I can't wait.
Kathrynne doesn't really care for or hate tummy time. She loves it when she is on us but gets pretty frustrated when we put her on the ground.
We have quite the calm baby. However, when she wants to be, she can drive us up the walls with screams. We love her no matter what and she pretty much only does that when she is overly tired and won't give in. I hate when that happens. It gets frustrating. I have seen so many nieces and nephews do that.

Well... That is about it for now. We love this little girl to death and love that we have eternity with her!

Kathrynne Anne Lanham - June 24, 2014

I have had many friends post their birth stories and I have always appreciated them and their words. They have really helped me to prepare for the day that I would give birth to my own children.

Well, that day came on Tuesday, June 24, 2014, when Chad and I welcomed Kathrynne Anne Lanham into our family. She is so absolutely precious. 

On the 20th I went into the doctors to have my 40 week appointment. At that point I was already over due by a day. When my cervix got checked I was only dilated to 1cm. 1 bloody cm?! That is is? After everything we have been trying to do to start labor and get me to progress, NOTHING more than 1cm? I won't lie, I was pretty darn disappointed. I had a few days to naturally go into labor and then I would get induced if I was still where I was. 

My doctor, Randall Pace, decided to schedule a day to induce me. We got it all scheduled for the 24th at Timpanogos Regional Hospital bright and early in the morning. Neither of us wanted me to go farther than 41 weeks and the 24th would be 40 weeks and 5 days. I was told to wait for a call from the charge nurse Monday evening to make sure it was all still okay to go. If there had been a ton of women go into labor I would not have been able to go in. Man, I am so glad that was NOT the case when I got the call Monday night to come in at 7 am!

We went in at 7 am and got all settled in. They checked my cervix and I had somehow gone from 1 cm to closed. :( Darn it. My nurse was amazing and went to town to help me out. She called Dr. Pace and they decided to put me on Cytotec to ripen my cervix. That sped things along very quickly. I was having contractions but I was not feeling them because they were so small. After the Cytotec had been administered I had to lay in bed for an hour. After that I could sit up, but the hospital doesn't allow you to walk around if you are on meds like Cytotec and Pitocen. Both of which I ended up being on so I stayed in bed the whole time. I got the meds

After about an hour and a half later the nurse checked me and I was starting to dilate a bit. She consulted the doctor and they decided to start me on Pitocen. I was on it for some time then I started to feel the contractions and they started to get in my back. I figured I would have back labor because of my Spina Bifida but wow. That was the worst pain I have ever experienced. I was only dilated to 4cm by the time that I asked for the anesthesiologist to come and administer the epidural.

It was about ten minutes before he came into my room. He waltzed in and didn't introduce himself at all. We all figured it was the anesthesiologist, but Chad decided to actually ask who he was. He told us his name and my sister Lindsey jokingly said, "Oh good, now they know who you are if they want to sue." He did not seem amused at all so Lindsey made sure she told him that she was completely joking. He still didn't take that very well. When my mom took a picture of him he opened his mouth and had to tell us that he was "Tired." OH that is great. He really didn't handle the situation very well at all. I enjoyed the company I had and didn't mind that they were a little louder because it helped me take my focus off of the pain. I guess the doc didn't like that and pretty much kicked them out. Chad's dad, Scott, wasn't in the room when all this went down and he would have been really irritated and said something. I could tell Chad was not impressed with the anesthesiologist and was really mad at him. My mom and Chad's mom, Karen, were the only ones to stay in my room other than Chad while I got my epidural. I was not so happy with him but I was in too much pain to really care. I was scared for a few reasons. The main one was that I was getting a needle in my spine. The second one was that the doctor said that he was tired multiple times. DON'T SAY THAT!! Don't say that in front of the patient you are about to stick in the back! Honestly though, I was in too much pain to really care at the moment. I just wanted to get it over with.

I know a lot of people that say that the IV they get put in is worse than the epidural. I completely disagree. The IV was uncomfortable but I was able to talk back and smile, I was totally fine. The epidural on the other hand was one of the scariest moments of my life. After hearing that the anesthesiologist was tired I was even more freaked about it. (I am glad I decided before hand about the epidural because I probably would have declined at that point and figured something else out.) Most anesthesiologists have a preference about the position you are in when they put the epidural in. There is the fetal position laying down or hunching over like a cat does while sitting up. I was kind of hoping that he would have me be laying down but he preferred me sitting up. I got in the position, shaking and soaking wet from sweat all due to the pain of my back labor and my fear.

Chad was holding my hands helping me stay up straight. I had a pillow on my lap too that I buried my face in. One of the nurses tried moving it from my face and I just put it back in because it was more comforting that way. I was actually a bit annoyed that she moved it at first. Given our first impression with the anesthesiologist I was not expecting how he treated me during the actual process of the epidural. He explained every little bit and kept talking to me. He guided me through everything and made me feel safe. He treated me very well and had me answer back if there was certain types of pain according to what he was doing. He did a VERY good job. I was impressed with him. My only wish is that he had been better with his bedside manner with my family. I didn't appreciate that.

The epidural kicked in quickly and I was able to get some sleep. I don't know how long I was asleep but when I woke up we checked my cervix and I was almost a 10! All I know about the time line was that it was a fast movement of my cervix. The Pitocen worked very well for me. Doctor Pace showed up after a while and broke my water. I must say, weirdest feeling ever. It was warm and instantly smelled. I could tell by the smell though that it was not normal. Call it mother's intuition but I could tell it wasn't normal. I guessed it was because there was meconium in it, meaning Kathrynne had taken her first bowel movement in the womb, and I ended up being right. Dr. Pace notified the NICU so when it came to delivery we would have a nurse in, right from first breath, to check Kate's lungs incase she had swallowed some of that meconium. This meant that I wouldn't get to hold her right when she was born, which made me kind of sad. However, I would much rather have a healthy baby.

Kathrynne was still very high so we had to do like two to three hours of rest and descend. I pretty much just had to lay there and wait until she decided to come on down. I was getting anxious for her to just come! I could feel her start to descend but it wasn't much pressure at all. Eventually we went for pushing. We did a few with my sisters and Chad helping out the nurse and then Dr. Pace showed up. He didn't push me to keep going at all. He listened to me and my body. He was really great with me.

I can't remember if it was during my very first push or the first push after Dr. Pace showed up, but during the second time pushing I threw up. I threw up twice this way. It wasn't totally in a row but it was with in the first five times I pushed. I had been feeling super nauseous after my long nap following my epidural so I figured I would have thrown up. It was super intense when I did too.

After a while I could tell that something was up. I could see it in my sisters faces and Dr. Pace called for the OB/GYN on call. Now my doctor is a family practitioner, not strictly an OB/GYN. He does it all so I knew that he was thinking possible c-section when the OB/GYN on call came in. Dr. Pace and the nurse couldn't really tell if Kathrynne was posterior or transverse or just where she needed to be because they couldn't really feel for her fontanelles. Fontanelles are the soft spots a baby has. This was new information for me. I had no clue that that was what they looked for. They couldn't tell with the bedside ultrasound either. That is when the OB/GYN came in and felt the fontanelles and gave us the go ahead to keep pushing.

Kathrynne was not coming over my pubic bone. It was like I was pushing her two steps forward and she would come one step back after the contractions. During the contractions while I was pushing, Kathrynne's heart rate would drop, drastically. It would go down to somewhere between 80-90bpm. Dr. Pace and the other doctor went out of the room to talk for a bit. I knew that it was about a possible c-section. The OB/GYN gave him the go ahead to keep going with a vaginal birth. I am sure that if she hadn't crowned when she did, it would have become an emergency c-section. Dr. Pace actually said something about a c-section while in the room, to me. Being the stubborn person I am, I took that as a challenge.

I pushed with everything I had because I did NOT want to have a c-section. I wanted to have a vaginal birth to have that experience. In total, I pushed for 3 hours. This ended up giving me a lot of fluid in my legs, feet, and ankles after delivery. It lasted for about a week. After the 3 hours of pushing Kathrynne finally crowned. Yeah. 3 hours just to get her to crown. Up to this point my contractions had been very regular. The doctor told me not to push at the next contraction, even though I will want to. We needed to wait for the nurse in the NICU to get here. She was called and then we just had to wait.

We were all waiting for my contractions to start up again, but nothing came. It was quite some time before I had another one. I personally believe that this was a huge blessing. You see, as soon as the NICU nurse walked into the room and was pulling on gloves I had a contraction. I didn't push and Dr. Pace just pulled Kathrynne out of me. The timing was a miracle. I didn't have to have a contraction and put Kathrynne in any more stress between when she crowned and when she came out. The nurse was right there to check her lungs. It was miraculous. I didn't have to push Kathrynne's head out, or get past her shoulders. She just plopped out of me at that point... with the help of the doctor obviously. 

Chad cut her cord and they took her to get cleaned and checked. The nurse checked her lungs and she was just fine. She didn't swallow any meconium, thank heavens! Crying ensued through the whole room as we welcomed this sweet little girl into our lives. 

I was in labor for 17 hours and I tore pretty much all the way through to my rectum (sorry, too graphic of an image?). It didn't seem like it was that long because of the hilarious times that we had with my family. The jokes and games we played really helped me get through the day. 

Kathrynne was 19 inches and 7 pound 2 ounces at birth. She is a month old now. I can't believe it. She has been doing well. Unfortunately she has a bit of a cold and has had a hard couple of nights, which has not helped me. I have had a headache for a few days and it won't go away. It is one of those dull but annoying ones. I have not gotten much done around the house because I get so tired, but I never fully fall asleep, especially after noon rolls around. I haven't even had time to really write this post. I started this weeks ago and have just not gotten to it. We will be taking her in to get suctioned today so hopefully that helps her sleep better. 

We love that little girl so much and she brings such a sprit into our life. So without further ado....

We welcome Kathrynne Anne Lanham into our family. 

Meeting My Idol

Chad's mission president came home two weeks ago and last night they had a get together at their home here in Provo. We planned to go, of course. I was kinda beside myself for a few reasons. His mission president and his wife were very influential for Chad and the short time he was out in the field. Chad respects them both very much. During Chad's mission I was affected by them through Chad and how he changed. We were able to change together as we wrote and I could see the impact that President and Sister Tanner had on him, changing me as well.

I was excited to meet these two influential people because of that impact, but also because of just who they (she) was. Tanner. Yes. John S. Tanner and Susan W. Tanner. President Tanner was called to be the new first counselor in the General Sunday School Presidency at this past General Conference (April 2014). But it was mostly Sister Tanner that I was excited about.

Susan W. Tanner was the Young Woman's General President from before I got into YW's to right before I turned 16. She was such an influential leader for me. I looked up to her so much during those first four years in YW's. I couldn't have been more excited to meet her last night since I have always looked up to her and Sister Elaine S. Dalton. Well, we had taken Kathrynne with us and after I got a hug from her we got talking about being mothers for a bit. 

She said something that really impacted me and made me feel even more confident that I have been making the right choice about being a mother and stopping my college education. It meant everything to hear from her that she respected young couples and mothers who sacrificed so much for their children. I know that this is what I am supposed to do. After having her as a leader and someone I truly have always looked up to I know that I am doing well. I have been very humbled by this experience and am extremely grateful to have met her.

Thanks to the Tanners for opening their hearts and home to so many. You have truly touched my heart.

Gratitude

I have been working on my birth story but before I finish it and post it I wanted to post about something that has been on my mind a lot the past two weeks.

With all of the craziness of having a newborn, there have been a lot of ups and downs. There are days and nights where Kathrynne won't eat or sleep and they frustrate me. They frustrate me because I am trying to do all I can to help her but sometimes it just doesn't work. I feel bad that sometimes I can't help her. I feel for her and wish there was more I could do. I cry, like any postpartum woman would, at her misery and discomfort. It can get really hard for me emotionally somedays.

Among all of the hard days, I have had to say goodbye to my best friend Kayla. Her and her husband have left Provo now. He will be going to medical school in the Caribbean and then they will return to the states after two years for his residency. The night that Kayla and Evan came over to say goodbye was the hardest night I had with Kathrynne, even to this day. I was up for three hours straight with her. I got maybe two hours of sleep. I was the one that woke Chad up to go to work because I had been up with Kathrynne at that point for, like I said, three hours. I was a complete wreck between the lack of sleep and dealing with the emotions of Kayla being gone now.

Chad woke up to me pretty much bawling from mostly the lack of sleep. Every time I had gotten Kathrynne to sleep and I put her down in her crib, I would go back to bed and right when I was seconds away from sleep, she would start crying again. UGH! That is how it was for most of the night. I told Chad he needed to go to work, because he needs to work. We need the financial stability you know? What young, married, college student couple doesn't need money? I told him he had to go to work over and over again and he finally got in the shower and started to get ready. As he was finishing up I just broke down and knew I needed him. I went into the bathroom as he was cleaning his ears (which he does religiously, might I add, putting me in the habit as well) and with tears streaming down my face said, "I need you."

He asked me if I wanted him to stay all day or go in late. I just told him that I didn't know. "All I know is that I need you today." All said bawling. It was the worst night ever, did I mention that? Chad took Kathrynne from me and sent me to bed. He gave her a bottle and she ended up being able to go to sleep.

This all happened just before 5:30am. I woke up around 9:30 or 10:00am. There was not a single cry, sniffle, or sound in the house. I jumped out of bed and went looking for Chad and Kathrynne. They were not in the nursery so I kept going down the hall. As I got closer to the living room I saw Chad on the couch and then I noticed Kathrynne in her swing. They were both sound asleep. I went and changed then joined them in the living room. I sat on our love seat just looking at these two wonderful people and was filled with absolute love.

Then, I was overcome with an overwhelming amount of gratitude. Looking at Chad cuddled up under the blanket I made him for Christmas back in 2012, I realized that I really needed to go through the night I had. Yes, we had a few really good nights with her but at that point it was touch and go for a few days. I had a very good night with Kathrynne the night before, but I was having a hard time seeing that same blessed attitude I had felt then.

Everyone had been saying that your emotions and hormones are completely out of whack during postpartum but I had been feeling pretty great. I still am, however I still am a bawl baby with certain things, spiritual things in particular. So as I was looking at Chad asleep on the couch, overwhelmed with the Spirit, I started to cry. Later that day I had a very serious heart to heart with the Lord as I was holding Kathrynne. She was fighting sleep with all her might and she caught my eye. We stared at one another and I pretty much feel like I had a whopping from the Lord at that point.

During the bad night, I had been feeling like I was inadequate. I didn't think that I was actually made for being a mother. I felt like I was a complete failure because I couldn't get my daughter to sleep. She wouldn't eat from me and so I had to give her a bottle and I really didn't want to. I knew that was stupid to think that way but I couldn't get the feelings of inadequacy out of my mind, making me cry and bawl even more as Kathrynne wouldn't sleep.

There is a talk from the October General Conference 2010 that President Thomas S. Monson gave called The Divine Gift of Gratitude. President Monson says something I have found to be profound.

"We have all experienced times when our focus is on what we lack rather than on our blessings."

I read that and thought, THAT WAS ME! Now, I read this today, not on the day that the above experience happened. However, the Lord let me know that I needed to really focus on the time I get to hold her and care for her, no matter the lack of sleep. My time is limited to hold her and care for her like this. There will come a time that I don't get to have my husband just take a day off because I didn't get sleep or am sick myself and can't function enough to take care of our daughter. There will come a day that I won't be needed to take care of Kathrynne, for she will be independent and able to do things on her own.

Gratitude is something that I feel gets taken advantage of. I say my thanks in my prayers but is that enough? Is just saying it when we are conversation with the Lord enough? No. To me, it can't be. We are here to just sit idly by. The gospel is actively growing and in order to grow with it we have to be active in the things we do. Showing gratitude can be so simple. It can be shown most importantly by the attitude we have. We can serve others in large or small ways. We can pray, read our scriptures, and write in journals. We can do family history work. We can dive into any calling that is extended unto us, and SO much more.

My sister Adrianne had called me this past week. We had a very great conversation. She had said something to me that struck true. She encouraged me to take some time out every day, no matter the amount of time (even if it is just two minutes) to study the gospel. Reading a few verses or some paragraphs of a talk or article that was in the Ensign. I thought a lot about that and brought it up with Chad. We have decided to start going through the General Conference talks with each other. We decided to pick one every week, read it and study it separately, then come together on Sunday and discuss it.

That is my way of starting to show more gratitude. I knew I needed to work on this aspect of my life, but I didn't really feel like I could do it. I know that is a falsehood that the adversary has put into my head. I have noticed a huge difference in my level of gratitude, and love especially, for my little girl. I have reached the point that I know that I can do this. I can be a mother. I want nothing more than to be able to take care of Kathrynne and our future children when the time comes. I want to teach them all about the gospel. I want to help them gain a testimony and personal relationship with the Savior Jesus Christ and our Father in Heaven.

Needless to say, a bad night has really been my saving grace in realizing my potential. Being gracious for this chance, no matter how hard it can get on any given day or night for that matter, is part of seeing that I am not inadequate. Chad and Kathrynne are huge blessings and I don't want to keep my focus on what or where I am lacking as a daughter, wife, and mother.

I want everyone to know how wonderful the Lord is for teaching us these little lessons. He is there for us and helps us in our times of need. We may not see it because we may not be focusing on what our blessings are, but he comes to us in so many forms and so many ways. He has come to me in the form of so many people during my life. It is my goal to become full of gratitude and to express it whenever I can no matter the circumstance.

Nostalgic...

Every once in a while I get kinda nostalgic and start looking back on past years of my life and how so many good things happened...

I'm in one of those moods right now. A friend of mine, Matt, posted a picture of two of my past roommates from 2012-2013. The four of us (Melissa, Katelyn, Laryssa, and I) all were able to go through the temple within a month and a half of each other... that goes from the first girl to the last girl. I was the only one not going on a mission though. We are all serving the Lord, but they have the name tags and are scattered around the globe.

I have loved all of my roommates, but there is something about the three of them that was special to me. I had gotten the last apartment available at the Villa for girls that year and knew that I would not know any of my roommates. I was the first one to move in. I was alone the whole first two days, until late that night of the second day at about 10:30pm. I was skyping Chad when there was a knock on the door. I went and got the door and it was my friend Laryssa! We said hi and she looked surprised. I asked if she lived in the ward. Her response was perfect when she said, "I am in this apartment!" I was so happy!!! She knew the other two girls from her last ward and one of them (Katelyn) had been her roommate since their freshman year. Their mom's had been great friends in college. She was in town and unfortunately didn't have the code to move in because the office was closed to check in for the day. I am sure glad I was there to keep the door open for her so she could start moving her stuff in that night. She told me that night about the other girl, Melissa. Melissa would become my roommate once she got back from France, where she was doing a study abroad and an internship.

Of course there were issues every now and then, but so does a close and loving family. However, we all had a blast with each other and I have never been so happy. There are so many wonderful memories from that year. They were my roommates when Chad was in New York all the way until just weeks before my wedding. They really liked Chad and that meant a lot to me. They were there for me to cry on when I was depressed about being back in Utah after my trip to see Chad and meet his parents. They went gaga over wedding ideas with me. We had fun cooking together. All of the good by far outweighs the bad or hard or frustrating.

If I had not gotten married and they had not gone on missions, we would have lived together again. I'm sure of it. We would have stayed there in that ward most likely too.

Laryssa gets home from her mission first. She left June 5 or 6 last year (2013). Katelyn left a week later on the 12th or so. Melissa didn't leave until mid July. I love these girls and think of them often. I cannot wait to see them again! I hope the best for them. I need to write them... Really bad. I think I will do that today at some point.

There are so many things and people to be nostalgic about, but these girls, that year... they remind me of how wonderful life can truly be. It was a really hard year for me, but pushing the crazy anxiety aside, I was incredibly happy with many other things. School was the downer of the year. The people in my life and the wonderful experiences I had with them made it one of the most memorable times.

Creation

Today Chad and I received a package from Grandmama and Granddad. It was a cute little knitted (crochet? I don't really know the difference between the two) beanie and jacket. There was a card that came with it and there was something that hit me hard.

Grandmama had written that when we first hold Kathrynne we will marvel at the wonderful being that we and our Heavenly Father have created.

Sitting here now it is hitting me all over again. For some reason it never really occurred to me that creating this little girl was between three, not just two. No one is created by just two beings. Just like our Savior Jesus Christ, we all have earthy parents. However how many times have we stopped to really and truly see the connection we have with our Father in Heaven?

We talk of how Christ was conceived of by the spirit, but aren't we all in a way? We all have a spirit inside of us that lives on, longer than our mortal bodies. It was created first. It was created by our Heavenly Father. We are his children. When we bring a new life into this world, we are also bringing a child of our Heavenly Father's. We are bringing a spirit into this world. One we did not create, one the Father created.

We learn to understand that we are children, literal sons and daughters, of God at a young age. Chad and I have talked about how we can truly help our children understand this. We both knew the song and the saying and said it, but did we truly know it? We do, now. We told each other how we gained that testimony of being a child of God. Neither one of us had a really firm testimony until we were in our teenage years (earlier or later it doesn't matter). Once we understood that powerful concept we gained so much strength. You can pray and talk to the Lord, but once that father/daughter, father/son connection has been made in a deeper sense than just the saying, "I am a child of God" that is when we really start to bloom.

Now imagine what it would be like if we were able to help those youth in the church make that connection sooner? I don't know how yet, but I want to help my children understand this.

I know I am a literal daughter of my Heavenly Father,  yet somehow it didn't occur to me that so is my daughter that has yet to be born. It wasn't just Chad and I that created her. It isn't just the two of us being her parents. She has a higher set of parents than us, a set that we have in common. A set we will work with to help her learn, grow, and return with great honor.

What a humbling thought as a mother, to understand that you created something magnificent with the Father. That is something I never want to forget.

Create by Dieter F. Uchtdorf