Nostalgic...

Every once in a while I get kinda nostalgic and start looking back on past years of my life and how so many good things happened...

I'm in one of those moods right now. A friend of mine, Matt, posted a picture of two of my past roommates from 2012-2013. The four of us (Melissa, Katelyn, Laryssa, and I) all were able to go through the temple within a month and a half of each other... that goes from the first girl to the last girl. I was the only one not going on a mission though. We are all serving the Lord, but they have the name tags and are scattered around the globe.

I have loved all of my roommates, but there is something about the three of them that was special to me. I had gotten the last apartment available at the Villa for girls that year and knew that I would not know any of my roommates. I was the first one to move in. I was alone the whole first two days, until late that night of the second day at about 10:30pm. I was skyping Chad when there was a knock on the door. I went and got the door and it was my friend Laryssa! We said hi and she looked surprised. I asked if she lived in the ward. Her response was perfect when she said, "I am in this apartment!" I was so happy!!! She knew the other two girls from her last ward and one of them (Katelyn) had been her roommate since their freshman year. Their mom's had been great friends in college. She was in town and unfortunately didn't have the code to move in because the office was closed to check in for the day. I am sure glad I was there to keep the door open for her so she could start moving her stuff in that night. She told me that night about the other girl, Melissa. Melissa would become my roommate once she got back from France, where she was doing a study abroad and an internship.

Of course there were issues every now and then, but so does a close and loving family. However, we all had a blast with each other and I have never been so happy. There are so many wonderful memories from that year. They were my roommates when Chad was in New York all the way until just weeks before my wedding. They really liked Chad and that meant a lot to me. They were there for me to cry on when I was depressed about being back in Utah after my trip to see Chad and meet his parents. They went gaga over wedding ideas with me. We had fun cooking together. All of the good by far outweighs the bad or hard or frustrating.

If I had not gotten married and they had not gone on missions, we would have lived together again. I'm sure of it. We would have stayed there in that ward most likely too.

Laryssa gets home from her mission first. She left June 5 or 6 last year (2013). Katelyn left a week later on the 12th or so. Melissa didn't leave until mid July. I love these girls and think of them often. I cannot wait to see them again! I hope the best for them. I need to write them... Really bad. I think I will do that today at some point.

There are so many things and people to be nostalgic about, but these girls, that year... they remind me of how wonderful life can truly be. It was a really hard year for me, but pushing the crazy anxiety aside, I was incredibly happy with many other things. School was the downer of the year. The people in my life and the wonderful experiences I had with them made it one of the most memorable times.

Creation

Today Chad and I received a package from Grandmama and Granddad. It was a cute little knitted (crochet? I don't really know the difference between the two) beanie and jacket. There was a card that came with it and there was something that hit me hard.

Grandmama had written that when we first hold Kathrynne we will marvel at the wonderful being that we and our Heavenly Father have created.

Sitting here now it is hitting me all over again. For some reason it never really occurred to me that creating this little girl was between three, not just two. No one is created by just two beings. Just like our Savior Jesus Christ, we all have earthy parents. However how many times have we stopped to really and truly see the connection we have with our Father in Heaven?

We talk of how Christ was conceived of by the spirit, but aren't we all in a way? We all have a spirit inside of us that lives on, longer than our mortal bodies. It was created first. It was created by our Heavenly Father. We are his children. When we bring a new life into this world, we are also bringing a child of our Heavenly Father's. We are bringing a spirit into this world. One we did not create, one the Father created.

We learn to understand that we are children, literal sons and daughters, of God at a young age. Chad and I have talked about how we can truly help our children understand this. We both knew the song and the saying and said it, but did we truly know it? We do, now. We told each other how we gained that testimony of being a child of God. Neither one of us had a really firm testimony until we were in our teenage years (earlier or later it doesn't matter). Once we understood that powerful concept we gained so much strength. You can pray and talk to the Lord, but once that father/daughter, father/son connection has been made in a deeper sense than just the saying, "I am a child of God" that is when we really start to bloom.

Now imagine what it would be like if we were able to help those youth in the church make that connection sooner? I don't know how yet, but I want to help my children understand this.

I know I am a literal daughter of my Heavenly Father,  yet somehow it didn't occur to me that so is my daughter that has yet to be born. It wasn't just Chad and I that created her. It isn't just the two of us being her parents. She has a higher set of parents than us, a set that we have in common. A set we will work with to help her learn, grow, and return with great honor.

What a humbling thought as a mother, to understand that you created something magnificent with the Father. That is something I never want to forget.

Create by Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Nesting To Do List

I am, by no means, a perfectionist. I don't always have to have my house perfectly clean 24/7. Some of you, especially my mother, know I am not good at having the dishes done. I am not a stickler about keeping a clean room, but it doesn't get that bad, really it doesn't. I promise. It is usually just clothes that need to be put in the hamper or water bottles that need to be recycled (that has been the big thing lately).

Although I may not be the tidiest person, if you get me started cleaning, it takes a lot to get me to stop. I usually stop when it is all done or the last load of laundry is in the dryer. That doesn't happen so much now with the uncomfortable phase I am in. Doing dishes is extremely awkward for me now. It has just gotten worse as the time as passed and my belly has gotten bigger. The counter top hits me at the biggest part of my belly or just below it. I used to just get right up to the counter so I wouldn't have to bend forward as much when doing the dishes. Now I need to back away or it hurts my stomach, making me even farther than what it was before I started showing. With me being so far away from the counter top/sink I have to bend down and forward more. It creates back pain and I am done with dishes after about three minutes (including getting water in the sink, which takes longer because of the water heater and getting the perfect temperature). Let's be real, I never will ever live in a house that doesn't have a dishwasher after we leave this place. I wont stand for it. The easier my life can be when it comes to dishes, the better.

This has been hard for me, especially lately. I have been in nesting mode for over a month. It comes and goes. Well, after yesterday (I had contractions and was going to get checked at the hospital... thankfully they stopped... she can't come yet. Gotta get through Chad's project on Saturday!!) I have been in nesting mode and I can't stand it. 

Nesting has been so hard for me to handle lately. I want to do something to clean my house but I can't go long with out feeling sick or uncomfortable. I feel worn out after doing something so mundane, like folding a load of laundry. Well, be proud of me because I folded 4 today! YAHOO! 

Even though I am not the tidiest person in the world who has to have everything in place at all times, I hate when it isn't clean when people come over. I have a hard time asking someone to help me with the dishes (even Chad). I don't know if it is a pride thing or what but I got feeling really embarrassed last night. As Chad and I were sitting in bed talking before turning the lights of getting some shut eye, I expressed how much I needed to do before the baby came. Chad said I really didn't need to. I just needed to take it easy for the rest of the week. I understand that, really I do. With Chad needing to finish his project (it is a crucial thing for his class... 40% of his Poly Sci grade) I knew that what he was saying was true. I needed to lay low. But then the embarrassment just set in.

I explained that I would feel so embarrassed if I were to go into labor with our house looking like this just to have someone come into our home and cleaned it all up. It isn't so horrible (I have seen worse in my life time from other families that I know) and I would be grateful for the help before bringing our baby home, but I would feel so disappointed in myself. I guess it is a bit of a proud moment for me. Actually, just so you can understand that I actually do think like this.... 

As I was grabbing our phone chargers for our hospital bags and what not, just incase I actually did go into labor, I started tidying up our room. Yeah... I was that aware of it. 

I have always been very independent and asking for help is hard for me. Even when someone says, and truly means it, "If you need anything, please let me know." I just want to do it all. I want to almost prove to myself that I can do it on my own, even when I know I can't. After telling this to Chad I told him I would need his help. The baby's room is done. There isn't anything else I can really do other than just re-fold clothes or vacuum again, ect. Everything is done for now. There isn't much more I can do until she is actually here. But my nesting isn't just confined to her room. It calls out to the whole house. So I made a mental list of what I was going to try and get done today. 

Thursday:

• Make bed
• Fold the fleece blankets on the floor and store in the back room
• Put the ice pack back in the freezer
• Clean up the water bottles and take them out to our recycling can
• Make sure all clothes in our room get put in the hamper then sorted so laundry can be done
• Do all the laundry

Now what actually got done?

• Make bed
• Fold the fleece blankets on the floor and store in the back room
• Put the ice pack back in the freezer
• Clean up the water bottles and take them out to our recycling can
• Make sure all clothes in our room get put in the hamper then sorted so laundry can be done
• Do all the laundry (Close! I did 4-5 loads... yeah it sounds like a ton but we have a tiny washer/dryer so they are small loads. I have two left. All but two pairs of my garments are clean, the one I wore earlier today as I was cleaning, and the ones I am wearing now after showering.)
• Clean toilet (I would like to scrub the toilet once more because the ring is still a bit visible... It had been a while since it was lsat done.) 
• Wipe down bathroom vanity
• Sweep bathroom floor

I would say that was a successful day. And I sat on my butt for a great chunk of it while I folded clothes.

Although I got all that done today, I still have much I need/want to do before she arrives. I want to go to the hospital with a relatively clean and put together home...

According to room:

Our Bedroom:

Actually put those blankets away

Vacuum

Dust (want)

Hallway:

Sweep

Mop (want)

Storage Room: 

Actually put those big empty boxes somewhere in the back room (want)

Put the bins full of stuff back in order (want)

Sweep (want)

Laundry Room:

Finish last two loads of laundry

Sweep (want)

Take out the trash - the empty detergent boxes/bottles (need/want)

Pantry:

Sweep (want)

Bathroom:

Mop (want)

Scrub the shower from ceiling to tile grout (need, but can't... will probably beg Chad to do this again. He did the bottom of the shower for me a two weeks ago)

Kitchen:

Sweep

Mop (want, but need to. most likely the first want on the list to get done)

Dishes

Wipe down all surfaces

Clean refrigerator out (want)

Living Room:

Tidy up everything

Vacuum

Go through shoes in basket and put away ones we don't wear this season (want, but probably will end up doing)

Dust (need/want)

Obviously I won't get to everything on this list but I really would like some key things done... mostly the living room and kitchen. Besides, I can multi task while doing the laundry and somethings can be done in just minutes. Sweeping isn't hard and I can do it all in one big swoop. 

However, I don't want to push myself to hard. I don't want to make Kathrynne come any sooner than she needs to by keeping myself busy like this. Also, I can't really do much anyways before I get so worn out. I have to take a lot of longer breaks in between jobs and tasks. I just need to do hold out until late afternoon on Saturday. 

The Vaccination Post

Vaccinations: As I will be a mother soon, I think about these things more now....

For those that know me well enough, know I am terrified of shots. I mentally freak out for some reason. I have a true phobia. I thought it was a phobia of needles in general all this time, but this pregnancy has shown me that I can draw blood just fine (it may not be my favorite thing, but I can do it) but I freak when I have to get a shot. Weird. Some of you may even know that I have not gotten the flu shot for the past four years. With that, please know that my choice to not vaccinate myself yearly with that particular vaccine does not, in any way, mean that I am against getting my children vaccinated for flu, MMR, chicken pox, ect.

Here is my reasoning for not getting the flu shot for myself these past few years. 
I fought my mom and dad (mostly my dad) about shots every year, mostly in high school. I finally buckled down to them every time and the same thing happened every year. I was always really sick shortly after getting the shot. For example, I got pneumonia, like twice. It wasn't fun. That was always my fight. I didn't want to get that sick every year. I finally moved out and haven't had the shot since then.

Have I ever gotten sick since then? Well yes, but no more than an asthmatic woman would with how bad the air gets during the cold months. Of course I get colds, but who doesn't? The odd thing is, I have not been nearly as sick during those months that the flu is most common since 2010, the year I started not getting vaccinated for the flu.

I have come to find that I react poorly to the vaccine. I have nothing against it. I know many that seriously benefit from it. Because I have not been getting the flu shot, I have been much more aware of the way I wash my hands, blow my nose, cough, ect. I make sure that I do my due diligence in trying to keep the germs away because I know that it isn't just me who is vulnerable, but it is others as well. Shot or no shot.

Chad also has some negative effects from the flu shot and has not gotten it in quite some time either. However, I told him that we have to get them starting this fall. We know that we cannot be good examples for our children about getting shots if we do not show that we can and are willing to get them ourselves. I would never be able to look my child in the eye and tell them to buck up and get the shot, when I don't myself. I cannot tell them to be strong if I am not showing that I can be strong myself.

Chad and I will be talking with our doctor and letting him know that we both react negatively to the shot and will be getting help and advice on how to work through this, or go with alternatives to keep us healthy around our little children, as well as being able to be good examples for them. Our doctor is awesome that way and I know that he will help us out.

Now, once again, just because I have not received the flu shot doesn't mean that I will not vaccinate my children. Like I said above, I want to show my children that it is a good thing and not harmful. I want to be that example. I found an article today that I really liked. It was a blog post by a Dr. Jennifer Raff about vaccinations. It was a wonderful read and she links to other articles and studies to show her research and understanding of why vaccination really is important.

Something that I really liked in this article she posted, was that in the end she said to not just base a decision like vaccination, on one sided view points on the matter. She encourages you to really educate yourself. She encourages you to read those articles and studies and to learn how the immune system works. She wants you to know for yourself.

My education and decision to vaccinate my children doesn't need to be furthered any more than what I previously knew before this article.

I know. I sound really close minded with that statement. However, after seeing how vaccines and modern medicine in general has performed many miracles in my family's and personal life and having already done research on matters like "should I vaccinate my kids," I know what good can truly come from it.

Are there side effects? Of course. There always are. But talk with your doctors. Make them communicate, but do all this with respect. Doctors have been given bad reputations because of other doctors and their horrible responses or bad treatments and bedside manner. Find those doctors you can really trust and talk with. That is the only way to ever really get some understanding.

I encourage you to also educate yourself, like Jennifer suggests to us as readers. It doesn't have to be limited to just vaccinations either. Learning about the body, how you function, is probably the most important education you can gain. Don't be scared of the medical jargon. Ask questions. If I can, so can you. All you need is the desire to know and understand.

Here is the article for you to read. I encourage you to do so, for it links up with many other medical studies. And as my last plea, vaccinate your children. :) Help a sister out. I will be helping you out.

Dear parents, you are being lied to.

37 Weeks and Going Strong...

The past few weeks have been hard for me. The anxiety/nerves/excitement are all starting to get to me I guess. The excitement of being a mom. The nerves knowing that I am now, as of today, 37 weeks along and we pretty much could be welcoming a new little person into this world at any time. The anxiety of trying to get everything together and ready all the while knowing we will never truly be ready.

All of this is making me extremely emotional. I feel like I am more emotional now than I have ever been, including this pregnancy. However, there is a sense of peace with all of this. This peace gives me the knowledge that everything will turn out just fine. It gives me the strength to hold on and look for the promised blessings of being a mother. There is something special about being a mother, and I haven't even been able to experience it first hand yet. 

Pregnancy Update:
37 Weeks
Craving Pepsi and cookies and cream ice cream... mmmmm together and/or separately
Really uncomfortable
Baby could be coming any day now!