2014

There were some amazing things that happened this year. Some months were much more eventful than others (aka... March was pretty darn boring while June through August were more packed with a lot of fun). I picked one thing from each month. They don't necessarily adequately represent each month but they were things that stuck out in my mind. 

January: Found out we were having a girl!

February: Saw Swan Lake performed by BYU Theater Ballet

March: Put Kathrynne's crib up in her room

April: Celebrated Chad's 22nd birthday

May: Celebrated our one year anniversary

June: Welcomed Kathrynne Anne into our lives

July: Said goodbye to our friends Kayla and Evan as they left Utah

August: Blessed our daughter

September: Went to Chalk the Block at the Riverwoods

October: Welcomed in Theodore Gregory Killen (Chad's cousin Sarah's baby boy) into the world

November: Celebrated my 23rd birthday

December: Had Kathrynne's first Christmas

Our year was full of fun times with Kathrynne. Our lives have almost completely revolved around her and to tell you the truth I am happy that it has. I cannot wait for the year 2015. We are getting so close to the end of schooling and renting this apartment! One more year (maybe... most likely) and we will be full fledged adults! haha :) 

From our family to yours, we hope you have had a wonderful year and hope all the best for the coming one.

Love,

The Lanham Family

Late Night Postings

I always find myself blogging late at night. I don't know what it is but I have an affinity for writing at night. I don't really have much to say though. I just feel like I needed to write. So I guess I will post a few pictures with an update. I haven't posted pictures in quite sometime so this will be a nice break from the constant text. :)

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of going to lunch with some friends. The girls were all friends from my home ward that I was super close to. It has been four years since we were all in the same area so I jumped on the chance to see them all again.

Katie, Myself with Kathrynne, Alison, Kari, and Melissa who is expecting in December!

Going in order with the picture let me explain why we hadn't been close by... Back in 2010 Kari, Melissa, and myself all graduated. Katie and Alison graduated the year after. Kari went down to Cedar City to attend SUU, Melissa went to Ephraim and attended Snow College, I stayed in Utah County and attended BYU. After Katie and Ali graduated things just got worse. Katie got married and Ali went to BYU-Hawaii.

We all went somewhere different for school and then Ali and Kari went on missions. Melissa and I got married (Melissa found her man at BYU-H after she finished at Snow) and now the two of us will have kids come December.

It was nice to get together with these girls. We were really close and had a lot of fun catching up. We had lunch at Cafe Rio and of course, it was delicious as always.

This picture was taken just after we came out of a baptism for a man in our ward. His name is Kevin P... I don't remember how to spell it but it is said like meow but with a p. He is a super great guy and his wife has been a member for sometime now. Their son is 5 or 6 I believe. I can't remember for sure.

In any case I had to document this because it was the first time I had been to a baptism that was NOT for a child that just turned 8. I didn't really know many non-members growing up and didn't have the chance to serve a mission before getting married so this was an experience I knew I didn't want to forget. It was so amazing to see Kevin's wife so happy. They are from Shanghai, China and came out to Provo so she could go to school. They are a wonderful couple and I feel privileged  to have the chance to get to know them better.

Isn't this sooo cute?! It is a wooden glove that has slots for a bat, ball, and a glove. We got some bins from Chad's parents that are filled with his stuff and this just happened to be in it. Chad has a ton of baseball stuff... unfortunately it is all Padres stuff. I decided that we will need to get some SF Giants paraphernalia so we can do our future son's room baseball (Padre's and Giants specifically) themed. 

This just speaks cuteness does it not? Kathrynne has had a few great things happen this past month or so. She just rolled over the other day from her back to belly. She laughs and talks all of the time. There are also some days that Kathrynne doesn't mind sitting in her Bumbo, like in this picture. She sat in it for quite some time this day. I was a super proud momma. 

But come on... don't I just have an adorable daughter? I can't believe that she is mine and I am so thankful for her and the chance I have to be her mom. 

The following pictures are just cute ones of Kathrynne lately.

Okay... I think I sent this picture to Kayla but just incase I somehow forgot to send it to her...

Kayla gave us these cute socks and the diaper cover. I had to put them on Kathrynne. I love them on her. 

Her first pair of tights!

The cutie sleeping in my arms. She likes to cuddle a lot more lately. 

I have always loved the sunsets in Utah. Unfortunately this picture doesn't give it nearly enough justice. It came from my phone so I guess it will have to do. 

There was one day two weeks ago where Kathrynne woke up at 3 am and would NOT go back to sleep. I had only had around 3 hours of sleep at that point and I was so frustrated. I had to be up by 7 to get ready for a WIC appointment at 8am. On the drive over to the office Kathrynne finally fell asleep, although it didn't last long. I got there early so I sat in my car and just happened to look out the window. This next picture is what I saw. It was my saving grace that day. It helped me get through a very hard day. You have to love the temple. This is of the Provo City Center Temple by the way.

We went to dinner in SLC last week at Benihana's. I had never been there and loved it! We went with Sarah, Michael, and baby Theo as well as Rachel and Auntie J. It was nice to spend time with them.

She is just getting so big! She is already sleeping in a big girls bed!! JK!! I stole her away and put her in my bed for a bit while I changed clothes. She just looked so cute I had to take a picture.

Anyways, that is a bit of an update for the Lanham family. We head out of town tomorrow night to go to Grand Junction. Chad and I need a weekend away from the usual so this will be a nice break from the normal day to day.

Hope this finds you all well! This definitely has helped clear my mind and I think I can finally fall asleep now. Gotta love doing some late night posting. :)

4 Months

Kathrynne is now 4 months. I cannot believe it. I love that she was born on the 24th of the month because we share a special day of the month. She was 1 month old on Pioneer Day (July 24th), will be 5 months on my birthday, and exactly 6 months on Christmas Eve. That is pretty great. 

Now on to the update of the cute babe.

At four moths she is wearing size 2 diapers. Even though she could technically be wearing size 1 still we haven't had as many issues with leaking poop. We ran out of size 1 and had size 2 on hand. We decided to use them until we could get some size 1 diapers but we liked the fit of the size 2 and she didn't mind them. So we just went with it. 

At her wellness check she was 13 lbs 3oz (13.2 lbs) and 23 1/2 inches long. That was on the 17th. Both her and I became sick with in a few days of that appointment so we went in on the 23rd. She had lost those 3 ounces and was a flat 13 lbs. She had a horrible week because she was not eating or sleeping. I thought she was possibly teething but she definitely was not. 

We got her on some medicine for acid reflux and it is like night and day for her. She seems like she is doing much better. She is still spitting up and throwing up as much but she doesn't seem in as much pain.

Kathrynne is a strong bugger. With a bit of help she can go from sitting to standing all on her own. She pushes herself up to a standing position. She is currently kicking her little kick n' play toy. She will stop and try to roll over from her back to her stomach. She has been trying so hard lately. There was one morning last week where she rolled over from her belly to her back! I was soooo excited! She hasn't done it since. She is getting closer to going from back to belly than she is the other way around. I think that one roll was a fluke. However, I have a feeling that when she does roll over she will be crawling in no time. 

Kathrynne has been starting to sleep without being swaddled. This is huge for us. We just have to help her fall asleep by doing cuddle time with her. I am more than okay with that. 

She is an absolute doll. We went to Grand Junction on Saturday. It was a good thing we did. It gave us an opportunity to see what Kathrynne would be like during that long drive. We will be making it for Thanksgiving and we both feel so comfortable doing it. I will be sitting in the back with her to give her company and play with her when she is awake. From what we saw though, she will be sleeping through most of the drive though. She was a peach during the trip. She only had a few hard moments. It was good for us to all get away and you can tell that she is happier after seeing Evie... Oh that dog. We sure do love that dog. Evie and Kathrynne love each other. It is absolutely adorable.

Despite the moments when it is hard, Kathrynne is a happy, smily, calm baby. We love having her around and would never think about not having her in our lives. 

23

As my birthday is coming upon me soon, I have been thinking a lot about the things that I have done in my (soon to be) 23 years of life. It actually is keeping me up at the moment. (Sometimes I hate being a night owl) I have made up three lists to put things under; Gospel, Education, and Life Experience. Pretty much anything that doesn't go under the Gospel or Education lists will end up on Life Experience. Humor me as I go through my life and try to put all of my memories and experiences that have made a great impact on me these past 23 years into those three lists.

*All of these are things I have learned and taken away from certain experiences, so the education one is strictly all about school, not just learning. If it was all about learning then I wouldn't have any other lists.*

Gospel:

• Gained a testimony of:
• My Savior Jesus Christ
• My relationship with my Heavenly Father
• The Book of Mormon
• The true gospel
• The leaders of the church and how they are truly called of God
• Have had some great callings
• Relief Society instructor
• Dating class instructor
• Church History instructor
• FHE Ma
• FHE Co-Chair
• Served with my husband in a YSA ward
• and now Activity Days
• Have been through the temple to receive my own Priesthood Ordinances
• Have performed temple work for the dead
• Got sealed to the love of my life (part of those ordinances but I figured I should add that as a special one since that was a completely different experience on how I got there...)

Education:

• Went through all of my elementary and secondary schooling with good grades (Don't know how now that I think of it)
• Graduated from a wonderful high school
• Was the second graduating class from that high school (GO SKYHAWKS!)
• (Even though I won't finish...) I went to college at BYU
• Figured out how I actually learn a little too late
• Came to know that I have the passion to be a doctor after all
• Too bad it isn't what I really want from life though
• Learned all about the human body (which is something I will always remember and always brush up on. My most memorable thing about college has to do with those classes where I learned about the body I have been given.)

Life Experiences (Here is a doozy of a list... hang on people!):

• Learned that not every boy is nice (as kindergartner)
• Learned that not all teachers are like my kindergarten teacher, aka nice and compassionate (as a 1st grader)
• Learned that being the new kid in school where everyone else knows each other is hard
• Learned that horses are my soul animal 
• and that they are super hard to build out of snow; possible but hard
• Learned that life throws you curve balls and sometimes they land you in the hospital
• not a literal curve ball... although I love baseball/softball and played it around the time this lesson comes from
• Learned that I was more like my brother Ammon than I originally thought
• Thank you Spina Bifida
• Learned that even the most strict teacher wants you to do well 
• Learned that teachers that look like scary women can become a woman that you want to emulate because of how loving and understanding they are, especially when you are embarrassed
• Learned that reading is a wonderful escape 
• Thank you Mr Dhal (Witches) and Ms. Rowling (HP series) for helping me see that
• Learned that some teachers really can be just plain rude and hold up to their reputation
• But you go with it anyways because of the other kids in the class
• Learned that some boys will never stop crushing on you, all through elementary, middle school, jr high and high school, especially when you don't want them to... making it super awkward
• Learned that I was good at history and math and didn't mind doing that homework
• Learned that I LOVED the trumpet and was DANG good at it
• Went from 9th chair (I came into the class later in the term) to battle it out for 1st chair with two other boys for the rest of the year.
• Learned that I was a good singer, like my other siblings
• Learned that I valued dance over doing a play
• Learned that I had seasonal asthma, which changed my voice from a 1st Soprano to a 2nd Soprano 
• I ended up loving that change
• Learned what it meant to be a "real woman" on what should have been the best day of my life (thank you 14th birthday... on thanksgiving..... NOT!)
• Learned that I valued dance over show choir, unlike my sister
• Learned that I valued classical training for my voice MUCH better than what I had been doing prior
• Thanks goes to Mr. Bills for that one! I can never repay you for what I learned from you, not just for my singing too.
• Learned that I valued dance over a play.... again 
• Loved Little Women, but I missed dance a lot.
• Learned that I was extremely prone to getting injured around the same time of the year
• Learned that dance meant EVERYTHING to me and I would not be anywhere if it were not for the love I got from my fellow students during an extremely hard time
• Learned that I deserved better from a boy and should come before himself
• Learned that I wanted more from a relationship than just a good kisser
• I dated too many guys that didn't want to really have good conversations
• Learned that I was great with computers when given the right training
• Learned that science was my thing, not history
• I could apply it, not just analyze it
• Learned that I must have some good dance skills, better than I thought
• I got in as a Dance Ed major after all
• Learned that Folk Dance was my calling
• Learned that high school isn't life and those friendships never really last
• Learned, even after not believing it, that the friends you make in college will be forever friends
• Thanks Kayla.
• Learned that I had a lot to learn about myself 
• Learned that my desires started to change, slowly but significantly, from what I wanted my senior year of high school/freshman year of college
• Learned that there was more to life than what I thought 
• Learned that it doesn't matter what you think you want, it matters what the Lord really wants for you
• Learned that although my desire to go on a mission was good, it was not what I needed at the time
• and should NOT feel put down by what other sister missionaries were saying at the time (this was right when the age got dropped... I could have been gone a month later because I would have turned papers in the July prior to that announcement)
• Learned that there was a man that loved me and I loved him
• Learned how special the temple was
• Learned how amazing being a mother is
• and to a daughter especially

I have so much more to learn and to experience, but I would never trade my 23 years of life (more like soon to be 23) learned lessons and gains for anything. 

Here is to another 23 years PLUS! 

Sometimes...

Sometimes, I don't want to be a mom.

I love you more than life itself, but there are some days and some times that being a mom doesn't seem worth all of the frustration, anxiety, tears, irritation, ect. 

You have been trying to roll over for the past few days. My question to you is why can't you try rolling over from your back to your stomach when you are on the ground? I wouldn't even care if it was while I was changing your diaper. But when you only try and do it when I am putting your diaper on, while on the changing table, it makes me so nervous. 

Kathrynne, I know you are hungry. That is why I have a bottle ready, in my hand trying to have you see that there is food just for you. The same kind of thing happens when I know you are tired. What is so hard about just giving into the exhaustion? You know you are happier when you do so. But. You spit out your paci, won't stop wiggling your legs, and won't close your eyes. I'm trying to help you, but you must not see it so you continue to wail for quite some time.

There are those days when you just want to be held. Some days I will give in and hold you pretty much all day. However, most days I can't. I can't because I lose the feeling in my arm, hand, and fingers. On these days, you don't like being held unless you are facing out and can see everything in front of you and I. That makes mommy's back, shoulders, and arm (particularly the right, since you tend to prefer that side) ache and need serious TLC. I can't always hold you all day so I have to let you cry so I can get some relief too.

You normally are the sweetest child and love to kick around and sit in your swing while mommy folds clothes, does a bit of cleaning, and attempts (and pretty much always fails) to makes you laugh. Those small giggles. The way you put your head to the right shoulder when you smile at me. The endless kisses I get to give you. Those rare cuddles I get from you right before you fall asleep. The moment when I know you have finally fallen asleep in my arms. When you look deeply in my eyes and say thank you, when you have realized there is food in your mouth. When you rock tummy time with a smile. When you kick and kick with all your might and turn yourself around with your legs so I have to constantly readjust your position on your little kick n' play. They way you suck on your hands and fingers and drool all over yourself because of the spit bubbles you have learned to make.

Those are the moments of every day, no matter how hard, exhausting, emotional, frustrating, irritating, and so on, that make me glad I am your mom. Yes, sometimes I don't want to be a mom, but that doesn't make me ever regret being your mom. 

Sometimes, I just need to take a step back and get some time to myself to remember those precious moments I uniquely share with you every day. Those moments remind me of how much I love you and how happy I truly am. Those moments help me know that I have made the best choices for me and our family.

Sometimes: I don't want to be a mom. Most times:  I love being a mom. All the time: I love being your mom. 

Grateful for Folic Acid

I sit here on the floor watching Kathrynne kick and play. For the past few weeks one thing has been steadily on my mind. In a way it has been on my mind since Chad and I got engaged, maybe even before that. With my Spina Bifida Oculta, what is the chance that my children will have some degree of Spina Bifida?

I have been cautious. I taught myself to light many different types of greens. I have learned to really like asparagus. I eat a lot more beans. I still have more citrus (which isn't a huge problem because I love citrus... especially grapefruit). I have always liked broccoli, cereals and breads, avocados. And I have learned to have V8 juice, mostly the blended fruit ones though. I have done all of that and tried to eat a well rounded diet in the hopes to keep my folic acid levels high.

When Chad and I got engaged, I did everything I could to take prenatals as well as getting a birth control that was fortified with folic acid. I didn't want, by the stroke of luck, to find out that we got pregnant on our honeymoon just to realize that I had not been taking anything with folic acid.

I did all of that. I did all I could. When I actually found out that I was pregnant, I talked to my doctor about it. We were careful and I kept it up, until about the third trimester. The longer I was pregnant, the worse my memory got. I kept forgetting to take my prenatals. So at Kathrynne's 2 month check up and the doctor was concerned about her, in his words, asymmetrical gluteal cleft, I got worried. Dr. Pace wanted to just double check things out, given my history with my Spina Bifida as well as Chad's bad back history.

An ultrasound was going to tell us what we needed to know, did she have any signs of Spina Bifida? Had I not done enough to keep her from that? All of those feelings of inadequacy came rushing off and on until the appointment was made and over with. I hadn't seen anything personally on the monitor. I had convinced myself that everything was going to be fine. I had to believe that, because I had done all that I could. Right?

Well, a special envelope came in the mail today, and as I sit here on the floor watching my daughter play, smile, and (almost) giggle I can rest easy. My efforts were not in vain. All things were clear with her ultrasound. Kathrynne does not have Spina Bifida! Thank heavens!

I am so thankful. I could not be happier about this. I can let her grow up knowing that she won't have the same problems I did. I keep her as the bubble blowing, smile giving, active kicking, little girl for as long as I can.

Photos curtesy of my mom.

Remembering our Resilience

A lot of people will be remembering where they were 13 years ago, today. Do I remember where I was when those planes were hijacked and hit the twin towers and the pentagon? Yes, I do. Do I remember the heart ache I felt, even as a 4th grader? Yes, I do. I was old enough to remember and to comprehend what was going on. I knew my country was going to be heading for war. I knew many more lives would be taken because of the negative choices by a select few. Many Americans knew what I did. However, did we know how we would fight? Did we know how we would feel more patriotism and pull together as citizens?

I am not a fan of President Obama and his administration. I never was. I have yet to understand many of the choices and bills that they have done. A lot of those decisions have really hurt us as a nation. Those have made us less of a nation. I have actually been one to say that we are not the greatest country in the world anymore, as of late.

Excuse some of the language, but this is the best thing to let you see it. America has really fallen down, however there is something about America that inspires us. 

On that tragic morning, September 11, 2001, I bet there were many Americans that stood still, not sure where to go. But we woke up the next day and begun again. We pulled together. We were fighting for something real. That attack on our home gave us something we had lost. Hope in our country. I fear that we, as American citizens, have lost that again. Where is our morality? Where do we draw the line? What are we fighting for? Who are we fighting for? Fight for the future. We need to begin again. 

There is a piece of art that I feel can really inspire us to do so. Quoting from the videos description:

"New York City Ballet presents NEW BEGINNINGS on September 12, 2013. Filmed at sunrise on the 57th floor of 4WTC in lower Manhattan, this short film captures an extraordinary and moving performance of Christopher Wheeldon's After the Rain. It is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, and a tribute to the future of the city that New York City Ballet calls home."

This piece was inspired by the events of 9/11. NYC Ballet was in Europe at the time and had a performance scheduled for that night. The audience showed up, even after the director had cancelled the show, and mourned with the performers. The director announced to the audience, "We came here to dance, it is what we do, but our hearts are breaking and it is simply not possible for us to perform this evening. But we will be back tomorrow, and we will be honored to perform for all of you then." (Taken from the video's description as well) They got up the next day and did their performance.

We are a resilient group of people. America is home to some of the most amazing people that dream, and help, and fight. We need to begin again, and find that resilience that the human spirit has and continue to fight for what we know to be right. Not just in politics, but in anything; art, culture, family, ect. 

I will fight. I will be resilient. I will make a better future for my children and continuing posterity.

Will you?