Life With The Lanhams

• I love that I am so close to my family. I can go home and visit them any day. A lot of people in my ward can't do that because they are from out of state or hours away instead of just 20-45 minutes away.
  
• I hate that I miss my high school friends so much. I told them everything. Who do I tell my deepest troubles to now other than my mommy like I usually do?
  
• I love dancing in college. It makes life so much nicer. I feel so much better about myself as a person and dancer then I have in a really long time. My senior year at Lifehouse was really hard on me with injuries and a teacher that I felt emotionally abused by. That will never happen again so long as I am dancing at BYU. I am able to keep the spirit with me when I dance; the spirit I felt when I was with Brittany, Brigette, Ashleigh, and especially Nesha. I want to have that spirit with me at all times. I want to teach like Katheen and Colleen do.
  
• I hate feeling alone. I don't feel like I have anyone to connect with right now. Yeah I have made a lot of new friends, but everyone just expects me to be able to be fine because I am from Utah and my family is so close. I don't have it that hard but I still struggle. In a way I feel like it is harder for me to adjust to this new part of my life because I am so close to my parents, those siblings that still live in Utah, and those close friends are only, what? 80 or so miles away? They are so close yet I can't see them and just bawl.
  
• I love my ward. My visiting teacher Kirsten is amazing! I love her so dearly. We clicked. Her and another girl named Anna (who I visit teach) have really helped me feel like I have some one to cry to. My home teacher is Matt. He is also my FHE brother! We have fun. He and his companion Carter Monson will be coming around soon to give me my first lesson. My bishop and his wife are sent from God. In so many ways is that statement true! Bishop and Sister Davis are the bomb.coms to the extreme! They just make me laugh and they show how much they love us, each and everyone of us. I teach for the first time ever on Sunday and I am scared to death. All I can really do is do what David M. McConkie taught in his General Conference.
  
• I hate not having my own room/bathroom! I need my privacy! I have no where to just dance alone like I used to in my room all of the time. I can't study how I want to because of roommates or just too many distractions around me. I can't just cry in my room with out having someone in there as well. I feel like I can't be myself. When I shared a bathroom with Gillian and Dave it was not hard but for some reason I can't stand sharing a bathroom with two girls that shed..... yeah sick, nasty. I thought I shed really bad (Gillian, you know how bad that really is!)? Well, I don't compared to my roommates. Don't get me wrong, I love my roommates. They are way awesome but I feel like I can't do what I would like to half of the time.
  
• I love having a job. It brings an amazing sense of security to my life.
  
• I hate sitting in a computer chair for hours on end. This is the bad end of the stick with my job. I sit for hours at a computer doing sometimes nothing because we don't have anything to do. I get so antsy and just want to move around. This tends to be very hard for a dancer... especially one as crazy as I am.
  
• I love my new friends. Thank you so much to Matt, Trace, Blaine, Brad, Kirsten, Anna, Tiffany, Deanna, Elisabeth, Erik, Chad, Brayden, Courtney, Sharlee, Lauren, Kayla, Kellianne, and Emily! You guys make it seem like my life isn't so hard. You make me laugh, you help me through a hard day. A simple smile from one of you makes my day.
  
• I hate stress. It is the BANE of my existence. I will die from stress I bet you anything. Hopefully I can lower my tolerance to stress because I won't have as much that way. I can only tolerate so much stress.
  
• I love time. Time to live my life how I want. Time to live on my own, as hard as it is. Time to make a living. Time to dance. Time to cry. Time to sing. Time to play. Time to read. Time to pray. Time to ponder. Time to listen. Time to watch. Time to cook. Time to EAT! Time to muse. Time to SLEEP! Time to study. Time to go to class. Time to CHOREOGRAPH!! Time to rehearse. Time to visit with family. Time to see old friends. Time to make new ones.Time is a wonderful thing.
  
• I hate that I don't have enough time. I need more (as you could probably guess by the list above)
  
• I love my family. They mean the world to me. My parents, bothers, sisters, brothers in-law, sisters in-law, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles. Thank you for being there for me always.
  
• I hate that my brothers and sisters almost all live out of the state of Utah. COME BACK! I need you. You are mine, not the worlds. What are you thinking when you think that you can be some where that makes you happy when I need you? ;) I hope you will visit me soon. We all miss you. I hope I can come and visit you some day as well.
  
• I love my girls at Lifehouse. They are my family other than my flesh and blood real family. I don't know what kind of dancer I would be right now with out them. I have learned so much from them, especially this last year.
  
• I hate that I miss my girls at Lifehouse. It is the same feeling of being alone. I was with them all of the time. I saw a huge chunk of them at school every day and then everyday after school at the studio so not seeing them is like a culture shock to me. I miss Grace so much! Grace, you have become such a great friend to me and I will never forget how we became this way. It took a while (first with us thinking the other one hated us and then the three years you were gone in Nebraska) but man, oh man am I happy that we became so close! I miss all of the crazy inside jokes we had like the Broken Ballerina Club that I was the president of (rightful president to thank you!) and the box of babies. hahaha! Oh man I miss you all! I can't wait to dance with you again some day girls. Hopefully it won't be too long.
  
• I love being able to dance. It is my escape from life and into the spirit. I lose myself in the moment and discover something new all of the time. Dancing is my life. It is who I am and will continue to be. So if you don't like it, get over it! It will not change.
  
• I hate getting hurt. I am always hurting for some reason or other. SHINSPLINTS SUCK SO FREAKING BAD!! I had to go and get a calf massage in the Dance Training room because they were so bad. I have muscle bruises that are almost gone because of that massage. It was not fun at all. I had to walk around BYU campus with huge ice packs for three hours taped to both shins because of the pain. Yeah, stretch your calves ladies and gentleman, it will save you a trip to the physical therapist! Other injuries include; the knee when a storm is coming (yes it actually is a proven scientific fact and I can explain it if you want me to. Just ask), the stress fractures to the right heel twice last year (one of them causing me to miss the BYU scholarship auditions and company auditions), the torn Anterior Tib muscle on my right leg twice last year as well, the fractured 5th metatarsal in my left foot the year before (junior year), and the foot surgery to both of my feet my sophomore year. Wow. I hate it. There is always something.
  
• I love that I have an able body to move in. It is such a blessing, one that I would never want to lose.
  
• I hate not being in choir at high school. I went and listened to my old high school choir this week have their first concert and they are so good! I miss the good memories. I don't miss the price though, that will never be missed. I don't think that I would enjoy being in a choir in college nearly as much as I did in high school because college would require too much of me. :) I am excited to audition for Young Ambassadors though.... haha :)
  
• I love singing. I want to sing on the top of my lungs all of the time because I never get to anymore. I miss singing pieces by crazy Finnish composers (Pseudo Yoik) and very talented men that put poems to music (Eric Whitacre -Sleep, Cloud Burst, Lux Arumque ect.).
  
• I hate school work. It makes life so much harder.
  
• I love that I don't have a lot to hate. It could be a lot worse, I promise. If I had written this last month, I am almost positive it would have been all "I hate" statements.
  
• I hate that I hate so much. I need to look for the positive in things more. It is a good quality to have so I am going to try to acquire it.